Proper Post

I promised to try to blog today, and here I go....

I had mentioned a few days ago that I have a problem with structure. Well, Gidders is doing his personal best to get me out of bed and get breakfast on the table for the kids. This is what I found when I woke up the other day....

He told me he wanted to eat all the marshmallows...apparently out of the whole box! The end result of this was an empty box of Lucky Charms (that I bought the day before) and a HUGE bowl of Lucky Charms without marshmallows for mommy for breakfast. Oh well....mostly my fault for wanting to sleep a little longer.

I also received a new toy on Thursday, which took up most of my day Thursday moving all of my information.

Isn't it pretty?? It's my new phone! I now have internet and facebook on my phone!! Yay! For those of you who know me, this is a dream come true for me! (ok, not quite as good as sliced bread, but pretty awesome!) I also have a good texting keyboard, since that is my most used form of communication these days. It's so much easier to text than to get into a conversation and have to say, "I'm sorry, can you hold on a second?" about 5,000 times due to children interruptions. Anyway, I digress....

So, that's fun for me! I have also been feeling pretty good here this past week, as far as transitioning goes. I feel like I am beginning to find my place, and conversations aren't quite as awkward as they were two weeks ago. I am enjoying everyone around me immensely! I am enjoying the fact that I feel like I belong now.

We are getting ready for Invasion this coming week. If you pray, please pray for our city! We are going out to the community to make an impact for the Kingdom, and from what I hear....this week each year is amazing! I am so looking forward to being a part of the worship team again (I get to sing!) and also help out with the Free Sports Camp for the kids. I love that the pulse of my church is for souls! I am enjoying stepping out of myself to make conversation and look for areas where I can be a blessing to people around me that I don't know! 

Last Sunday was amazing for me....to learn more about how easy it really is to step out and relate to people. I really need to not care what people think of me. I think God began that training in me in the beginning of "The Big Transition" 8 months ago. I know that I need to constantly check my heart and motivation, and stay accountable to the Word and those in authority over me....but I need not fear man. It's so freeing to feel that finally! 

So, to keep this from getting to cumbersome...things are moving forward here, and I couldn't be happier. The kids school supplies and uniforms are purchased, sorted and waiting for the first day of school, I am working on getting a part time job, and there is life at the church. Life is good.

Getting Back to Life

Sorry to anyone who has been following me! I have been living my life, and unable to get to my computer....I apologize, but I am happy!

I am just doing a quick update to ensure everyone that I have not given up on blogging, I have just been super-busy, and enjoying my life for the past couple days. I will get more in depth at another time. My Music Man just arrived home and killed my thoughts of sitting down and writing a suitable blog post. He has not been home since 7am. So, hopefully tomorrow!

Hope everyone enjoys their weekend! My first tropical storm since becoming a southern resident is headed my way Sunday....so, maybe then??

Structure

I am learning as I am getting older that I NEED structure in my life! I know for 100% certainty that I would not make a good homeschooling mom. I know that I need to work, only part time, outside the home, to get anything accomplished around my house. I know that I need to be somewhere in the morning for me to get out of bed before I feel like it. I know these things, because I've seen structure and no structure both in my life. I was much more productive when there was structure present.

Now, let's understand, I don't necessarily like structure....I like doing things when I want, how I want....but I need structure to feel like I've accomplished anything, and I get so much more done! I can go to bed with the best of intentions to get up at 6:30, and the alarm will go off, and I'll feel like I could get out of bed, but it's so comfortable, and I don't really have to be anywhere, so why get out of bed now? Let's just sleep for another hour, which turns into 2....I think you get the point!

So, with that being said, I can't wait for school to start! The kids are at each other all the time, over nothing, and they need to have a break from one another. I need a break from them fighting all the time and from asking me 1,000 questions at a time! I want to work part time, and be productive and active and needed outside the home as well as in. I want to get more accomplished in a day, I just don't see the urgency right now. I can do it later.....

Now, in my defense, I do not do nothing all day long. I am doing things around the house....it just takes a little longer to complete a task than it probably should. I guess that's why they're called "the lazy days of summer"!

Revelations...WOW!

So, yesterday was a crazy, busy day for me....but such an amazingly good day, and I could not have predicted how good it would really be! Warning: I am a changed woman, changed by the grace of my heavenly father, and a new awareness of what life should really look like....so, read at your own risk! (that's my disclaimer)

 :o)

I went to church yesterday, not really expecting anything really out of the ordinary. That was my problem. I am in an amazing church, with an incredibly gifted and anointed Pastor and MusicMan (aka, my husband, the worship pastor), and didn't expect anything different, or too out of the ordinary when I went there. I repent of that! How many of us get stuck in that line of thinking?? Ouch. God moves. All the time. We miss it. A lot. There, I said it.

So, I digress. I was in church, and we had an evangelist come yesterday, for the morning and evening services. His name is Sean Smith, and he is anointed and has a heart for people to not only enter the kingdom, but to walk in the fullness of what God has called them to be! The word he gave in the morning has totally changed my life. I mean that with 100% sincerity. My heart and mind are different today, after receiving what he gave out yesterday....and I can't wait to share it with you, so hopefully, you will be changed too!

His text was in Numbers 13:27-14:1. He was teaching on the spirit of Anak. Basically, this is the spirit that comes to stop you in the anointing so you never step in and take the territory God has for you. It neutralizes warfare, causes you to feel inadequate, causes insecurity and overwhelms you with that feeling, it exaggerates obstacles and circumstances against you, it causes you to honor your fears more than you honor your God, it exchanges Biblical correctness for political correctness, causes you to compare what you lack to what others posses, and allows demoralization to take control of your situation. Whew. Heavy, but how many of you can relate to any of that, or even see where it takes over in your everyday life? I hate to admit, but that is how I was living....and I can't even really call that living....let's say, that's how I was existing.

After hearing that....and seeing how much of a hold all of that had in my life....I started wondering....what would happen if I didn't cower to these things? What would happen if I allow God to lead me to talk to strangers, to pray for people on the street, to tell people I don't know about my Abba Daddy?? What would happen to my city if I cast off all of my insecurities and boldly went and shared my God with a lost and dying world?? What does it really matter if a random stranger thinks I'm weird? What happens if that person's life is dramatically transformed because I don't care what they think about me, and do care what happens to them? What would this world look like if we all did this?

My heart cried out during that entire service....screaming YES, this is what you were made to be!!! Free to be a daughter of the King of Kings, and help to lead people into their destiny in Christ. Free to share my faith, that has given me so much hope and life, with people who have no hope or life left inside them. Free to be who God created me to be, and unashamed to let the whole world see it!!

There was an incident that happened in Wal Mart just a couple weeks ago, that I will share with you. I am ashamed that I did not step out here, but hopefully you can do better than I did if you find yourself in the same situation....I had been shopping with my mom and kids, and we were walking out of the store, past the bathrooms in the front. There was a woman sitting on the bench outside the bathrooms, an empty cart in front of her, and she was hunched over, her head in her hand. She just looked so dejected, and broken, and sad. My heart broke for her, and was turned toward her. I wanted to stop and sit next to her and ask her if she was ok, and if it would be ok to pray with her. I, unfortunately, did not do this. I was frustrated by the whole shopping trip, I wanted to get home and feed the kids lunch, and get in the pool. I was afraid she would think I was crazy. I was afraid she would reject me. I kept walking, but I have not forgotten that woman. Not one day goes by that I do not think about her, pray for her, and wonder what would have happened if I had been obedient and sat down next to her, and poured out God's love for her. I can only wonder now....but I could know what would have happened had I stopped.

See, I am learning, very slowly, that loving people can be inconvenient. It's not like we can plan an hour in our day where we say....ok, I am going to allow God to lead me to minister to random people, in random situations right now. It's not pretty, and scheduled, and coordinated....truly loving people gets messy, and interferes with life. Being a bit of a type A, this gets some getting used to.....but I want to share the love God has shown me! So, I'm gonna have to let go!

There are a couple more things God showed me that I want to share real quick, and then I'm done for today. I just can't keep this to myself, and I pray it affects you the way it did me. We need God in this world, everywhere....not just in our churches.

Here are some things Evangelist Sean shared that I wrote down that impacted me....the following are his words, not mine....

God gives us promises because he wants THAT to be our reality.

Intimidation will replace intent.

Opposition attaches to what you refuse to remove.

Perfect LOVE casts out ALL fear!!

Give me an abandoned spirit! (be careful if you pray that one....He will!!)

Then he shared something else that really hit me hard, and I pray I don't mess up on this one, for the sake of my kids. God gives us all battles that we have to fight in our lives. My kids will have to fight the battles that they have to fight, but they will also have to fight the battles that I choose NOT to fight! So, I pray God helps me fight the battles that come my way, so my kids won't have to do what I was supposed to!!

OK...I'm done, for now. This word is just so exploding out of me, that I wanted to share it! I pray that whoever reads this will be changed, and become light and love to a world that is crying out for something with meaning!

Be blessed today as you change your corner of the world!

Busy Sunday

So, this will be my view for most of today....my amazing, anointed Music Man leading us into the throne room of the Almighty! We have 2 services today, morning and night, so we'll be out to lunch after the first, and then there's a meet and greet for us with one of the groups from the church before the evening service. Busy day, but glad to be in the house of the Lord, and around my new church family. It may all still be new, but the love is real, and I'm going to bask in it today! Be blessed as you worship with your families today!

Sunny Saturday

First of all, let me apologize for yesterday. Getting it out there really did help....but I don't like to be negative anymore. I wasted too many years of my life being a "negative Nelly"....so, sorry, and done!

Last night the public library had a special night for the summer reading program at the Mobile BayBears game. It was lots of fun, although hot, and the kids got to go on the field and say their name in front of the crowd. It was a "parade" of readers. The kids really enjoyed it, got free t-shirts and an Applebees coupon for a free kids meal. I'd say it was a successful night for all! We left the game early (Jon will not stay at a whole game) and came home for a night swim.

Today is a birthday party, band practice for the Music Man, and then a new friend over for dinner. See, life is good, and I'm going to enjoy it! (the head cold that has been plaguing me for almost an entire week now is finally breaking up and going away too....I think that helps)

Happy Saturday everyone!!

Everything Changes

Most of my previous posts have been fairly light in content. This is to mask the turmoil that has been brewing under the surface, and I need to expose it to deal with it. So, sorry about getting deep on a Friday, but I'm about to explode!

My family has gone through one of the biggest changes we have ever been faced with, and for the most part, we are doing really well with it. The kids are young enough that they can rebound and make new friends quickly, and they will be starting school soon, so that will just add to the ease of the transition - routine is a God-send! My husband is in a great work environment, he is valued and doing what he loves, and building relationships daily. He has his moments where the weight and reality of what we have walked through hits him, but he is doing well. It also helps that he talks to his brother and best friend pretty much everyday.

Now to me. I have many ups and downs with this process. It seems that I have been stuck in a down pattern for a bit here, and I need to jolt myself out of it....I just don't know how to! I can see that we are blessed, that God's hand was directing our every step for almost a year before we began the transition process, that we are right where God wants us to be. I think that just makes the way I am feeling even harder to deal with.

I am sad. I am angry. I am lost. I think lost is the one that hits home the hardest, and it's hard to admit. I have always been "the girl with a plan", as my dad used to call me. I have always known what I want, and how to get from point A to point B to get it. I have always been driven, and stubborn, and a mover. I no longer know where I am going! I have dreams, ideas, visions for things I would like to see happen in my life....and no knowledge of how/where to start here. I have no network, no relationships to pull on, no life-lines. I feel isolated and alone.

Let me make something very clear here....before I go any further. I have been very warmly welcomed and received at my church. Everyone has been incredibly loving and helpful, and friendly. I don't want anyone to think I have been left to fend for myself....that is NOT the case here. There is just a stark difference from long-standing, intimate relationships that I have left behind, and developing new ones. I don't want to come across as ungrateful, because I am not....it's just this period of time between new and familiar that I am struggling in.

So, having said that, maybe you can see why I feel so down? I don't want to seem ungrateful or negative or annoying. I don't know how to insert myself into the lives of others....I am used to making room for new people in my circle, not being on the outside trying to fit in. I am truly blessed in this place that God has placed us, yet I am sad. How can this be? I want to enjoy my life, every second of it, because I'm not guaranteed a thing on this earth....and I and my family are healthy, and strong, and smart and successful....I don't want to squander that!

God is so faithful, and has provided us with so much more than I could have ever imagined. I don't want to say or do anything that will let Him down, I don't want to waste my life away while I try to figure out what His plan for me is.

I know that all of this takes time, and time is what I've got, but I want to enjoy every second of this life God has given me....and that's what I'm finding difficult.

So, thank you for taking the time to read the ramblings of a woman who is trying to keep it all together....and maybe not being so successful at that! As for me, I will continue to seek the Lord and meditate on His word, and draw my strength from Him....but I thank you for any prayers you want to send up on my behalf!

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. ~ Psalm 19:14